Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
