Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
