you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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