i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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