woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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