The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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