Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
