Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
