I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
