If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
