the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
MIDGETS
????
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
