dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
