I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
