We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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