we made out on top of his cat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
