We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
