i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
