Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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