When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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