you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
