ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
