woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
