went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
