chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
