Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
