I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
