We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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