He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
