What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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