Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
