Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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