I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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