Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
