This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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