What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
