Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
