Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
