Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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