its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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