If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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