My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
