she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
