You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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