dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
