If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
