just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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