Kiss
Puke
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
