you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need to calm my uterus...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
