Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
