it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
