the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
