Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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