Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
