Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
