dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
